I love running, just by default... the beat, the smooth rhythm of breath and body and mind. No thoughts... No accusations... No judgements.
Just you.
I didn't stop even once, for the whole four laps. Other girls whined and bitched, but I pushed through. It was amazing.
Until... something unexpected happened.
Or, rather, expected.
I passed out, for about 20 seconds.
I hear people all the time, speaking of how "freaked out" they are by passing out, or blacking out. But for me....
Not quite so.
It was so peaceful.... The darkness. Comforting, all-consuming. I was everything around me... yet nothing at all.
Of course, in reality, it wasn't anything so majestic.
My brain got confused, sent out the wrong chemicals, and then went into survival mode.
But I like my explanation.
"Here I am at the end of me... Trying to hold to what I can't see..."
Today so far, I've had nothing. I plan on eating later, if only to sustain life. Humph.
Yesterday I had 180 cals...
And yet I still feel pretty good today. In fact, better than good.
Maybe it's cause I have all that blubbery FAT to consume. *shrug*
Woke up today: 114.4 lbs
Fuck yeah! 4lbs in two days....
I'm so back bitches=)
What's another really amazing thing, (for metabolism AND hunger).....
(drum roll please)
Turmeric.
You can get it in capsules, or just sprinkle sprinkle sprinkle on your food!
Heheh, maybe I'm still a bit light-headed.
Who cares?
This is what beauty is.
Pain.
~Aniela Those
I hope you're okay after that episode. I trust you didn't bump your head or elbows on the way down. I hope not.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the push...I guess I've just had a bit of a setback these past couple of weeks.
We can do it!!! - or something to that effect.
By the way, YOUUU write lovely :)
I dont think i could go on without blogging :)
ReplyDeletei love running too!
I've never legit passed out for more than like three seconds, i've always been curious..definitely don't make a habit of doing that though. not like you'd try to. haha.
You sound like you're doing well. Keep at it =D
your words are lovely. they remind me of that balance dancers have between grace and power.